Can You Restart Old Leads On Tinder?

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In game circles, it’s a well-recognized eventuality that some of your leads are going to go cold. In cases where you met the girl in person, or even sometimes on message-based online dating services, you have a decent chance at rekindling the interaction if she was interested at some point in the past. We are referring, of course, to the famed “Restart Text,” which Roosh covers in detail. A restart is a valuable tool to rekindle relationships, jumpstart booty calls, or simply get back in touch with someone with whom the timing never worked.

So what are your chances of restarting cold interactions on Tinder?

Almost zero. The main barrier is that girls are constantly inundated by matches. In a texting medium, you’re one of a finite number of men she can give attention to, since new numbers are not constantly being pushed to her phone. On Tinder, however, you are quickly swept away by the appeal of the next best thing.

Another barrier to the Tinder restart is that girls don’t always keep their profile active.The average lifespan of an active Tinder profile is probably longer than the average OKCupid profile, but this doesn’t mean girls are any more likely to answer messages from old leads. Many girls will try the app for a few days and then check it infrequently once the novelty wears off. If they check their profile once a week and have 50 new messages, what’s going to motivate her to reply to yours?

For a girl who never replied to your initial message, I’d estimate the chances of a “re”start at about 2%—that is, about 1 out of 50 girls will message you back. This happens because they were distracted the first time you messaged, you changed your profile pictures to be more desirable, or something in her situations has changed .Sometimes it’s just the luck of the draw.

For a girl with whom you had a reasonable conversation that just went cold, the chances of a productive restart are about 5% —1 out of 20 girls will let you advance your game farther than you took it the first time. These are still poor odds. Looking over my hundreds of matches, I can identify only two girls I eventually met with whom the initial conversation died out.

An exception to this rule is if you matched while traveling. When you return to that area, you should immediately re-start with all girls that you matched with previously, since geographic distance likely played a role in the conversation going cold. You have an even better chance of restarting if your pictures show you are obviously foreign which is often the case with international travel.

Of course, no generalization is without its exceptions. If you send a re-start, or follow up with a girl who never replied, you may get lucky and catch the girl in a different mood than when you first matched. Ultimately, though, the general uselessness of restart texting makes it even more important that you message the girl immediately and take the interaction off of Tinder as fast as possible. In a situation that rewards boldness and feeds people with constant novelty, you’re going to lose more often than not by playing the long game.

Have you experienced different results? Leave a comment and share your experience with re-starting old matches.

Read Next: Tinder Has Reached One Billion Matches

One Response That Means Your Match Isn’t Interested

After exchanging a few messages with a match, it’s best to quickly go for the phone number. Sometimes the girl won’t make it through that filter, and that’s fine. It’s easy enough when the girl flat out refuses, blocks you, or simply doesn’t respond to the message, all of which happen fairly frequently. However, there’s one sneaky response that means she’s not interested enough to meet up with you, though, and it might not be what you think:

“Let’s talk on here more first”

This is an instant “eject” situation. I have never received so much as a phone number from a girl who wanted to “talk more” on Tinder before giving me her number, and I am willing to bet that you won’t either.

Men have trouble seeing that girls are playing a different game when dating online, on Tinder or otherwise. You’re carefully planning your responses to a few matches, trying to sound as disinterested as possible while strategically advancing the conversation towards an in-person interaction.

Girls, on the other hand, are wading through 20 or more simultaneous messages for conversational tidbits or hot bodies that excite them, all the while dealing with a deluge of incoming matches. Even if she truly wants to continue talking with you, she’s going to be distracted by the “next best thing” constantly being pushed to her list of matches. More often girls who say this are using Tinder only for attention and validation, so avoid wasting your precious time by giving it to her.

Being the pursuer and lowering your perceived value is a necessary evil of online dating for males, but you must minimize the begging you are doing for her attention by taking the interaction off of Tinder as quickly as possible. If she actively delays this process, ignore her and don’t look back no matter how nice she seems.

Read More: Why Is Tinder So Addictive?

How Many Tinder Matches Do I Need To Get A Date?

For every successful date a man goes on, there are scores of prospects who refuse to give him the time of day. For every serious girlfriend he has, there are hundreds of interactions with women that sputter after the initial stages. Dating is a progression, and there are prospects who drop out at each step of the way. This is the meaning of Tinder being a “numbers game.” How many matches, then, does one need to get a date?

To answer this question, I’ve outlined the main “filter points” on Tinder in order of progression, and the percentage of girls who will make it through to the following step (note: these are intended only to be VERY rough estimates to illustrate a point).

New Matches

Initial interest exists, but you must message immediately to maximize chances of a response. This is where percentages will diverge most between users. Some very attractive men with optimized profiles may match 1 in 15 girls, others may match 1 in 300. Most will be somewhere in between.

Response To Initial Message

She’s at least somewhat interested in you. Above a certain threshold of credibility (e.g. no sappy compliments on her appearance), what you say doesn’t matter as much as her interest in your looks, her circumstances (is she glued to her phone, or does she match with you and then hit the gym for an hour?) and your air of non-neediness. Perhaps 50% of matches will pass through this filter.

Getting The Phone Number

This is the first leap of faith, the first major choke point, and the first move that requires actual work on your part. In the vast majority of circumstances, you have to get her phone number so you can continue the interaction off of Tinder. Even girls who look at Tinder as a joke will sometimes give their number if you act decisively. About 25% of girls who respond to the initial message will give out their phone number.

The Post-Tinder progression has two important steps: Get her to agree to a date (50% through this filter), and have her actually show up on the date (80%). Then you can take the interaction wherever you desire without “meeting on the internet” playing a significant role in how she views you.

This blueprint suggests that you have a 5% chance of meeting up with a girl you match. Put another way, the average man will have to match about 20 girls for every in-the-flesh date that occurs. Your mileage will vary, but this is a reasonable expectation for a mid-to-late twenties man of average or slightly above average attractiveness with reasonable swiping standards in a large city.

The point of this fuzzy math is to illustrate that you should stop looking at Tinder as a “dating” app in the classic sense. It’s not matching you with people who are similar to you or likely good partners, so treat it as simply another funnel adding prospects to your ever-progressing dating filter.

Read Next: Can Average Looking Guys Match On Tinder?

Can Other Tinder Users See My Personal Information?

A reader and prospective Tinder user writes:

“Although I have a pretty successful OKCupid profile, I prefer to ‘firewall’ my online presences. I keep my LinkedIn professional, my Facebook family-friendly and fun, and my dating site profile geared towards being more appealing to women.

So, my question is: Does signing up for Tinder let every Tinderella at the ball see my Facebook family stuff — pictures with nieces & nephews, etc.

Ah yes, the Internet Clark Kent/Superman transformation, I know it well. Thanks for your question. I agree that it’s best to keep one’s different online personas separate. When you sign up for Tinder, it is unavoidable that you must grant it access to your Facebook profile. It is unclear what data or “metadata” Tinder’s main system gets to access and retain about you. It wouldn’t be surprising if the company logs your publicly-viewable personal information and stores it internally for marketing purposes at a later date.

That said, the same is true of nearly any app or website that requires (or suggests) a Facebook profile during the signup process. Facebook login is an increasingly popular method of signing into 3rd-party software, which can creates a privacy hazard depending on how closely you wish to guard your personal information from the “big data” revolution. My personal philosophy? Most of our information is out there in some capacity already. I try to limit the number of things I use my Facebook profile for, but for an app I get lots of value out of (e.g. Tinder), I’m willing to make an exception.

To answer the more practical question of whether actual users of the app get to see the majority of your stuff—no. You get to choose which 0-6 photos to display for potential matches. The only things the Tinderellas will see are the following:

  • The photos you chose to display 
  • Your first name and age (automatically pulled from Facebook)
  • Your distance from their geographic location
  • Any Tinder-specific profile information that you write from within the app (defaults to blank)
  • Any “interests” you match with them on
  • A list of your mutual friends, if any
  • How long ago you were last active on the app

If you have a million different interests on your Facebook page you may want to pare down the list so that you’re not revealing too much about yourself. On the other hand, Tinder has publicly hinted that the app will give you more and/or better matches if you have more interests, so this is a double-edged sword.

The overall point, though, is that it’s possible to maintain a separate and more personal online persona while matching to your heart’s content on Tinder. Your potential matches can’t see any pictures or biographical information that you don’t specifically allow.

Send your Tinder-related questions or musings to tamingtinder [at] gmail [dot] com

Don’t Miss: Introduction

Tinder Has Reached One Billion Matches

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TechCrunch recently reported that Tinder has logged its 1 billionth lifetime match. Though the management team for Tinder is notoriously tight-lipped about how many users there are, rates of matching, and the algorithm it uses, there are a couple interesting tidbits in the article:

“If you want some sense of how quickly Tinder has grown, well, when we first covered the IAC-backed startup in January of last year, it said it had made 1 million matches, and the number was 500 million in December.”

The app went from 1M to 500M matches in 11 months, and then 500 million to 1 billion in a third of that time. This confirms that Tinder is growing at an exponential rate.

“[We are] constantly improving our recommendation engine — we’re increasingly better at suggesting people that we think you’d be interested in knowing.”

I have seen this alluded to in other articles, though I haven’t seen much evidence that they are using any formalized matching algorithm. I notice that slightly more potential matches share one of my Facebook interests compared to the average person, but the effect seems small. This seems like a smokescreen to distract from the fact that Tinder is primarily focused on matching people who find each other attractive, rather than matching based on similar interests.

If the Tinder team is not already doing it, it would be easy to devise an algorithm that sent potential matches based on things like percentage of swipes right and similarity of app usage patterns. Tinder could preferentially pair up users of similar attractiveness level, or even use facial recognition technology to recommend matches you are more likely to find attractive based on past swipes. We likely won’t ever know which methods they are employing due to the secrecy surrounding the app, but with a billion matches in the books, the adventure is just beginning.

What does this mean for you? The biggest takeaway is that you need to get a Tinder profile if you don’t already have one, and ruthlessly optimize it for success. Tinder isn’t going away anytime soon, so you might as well jump on board.

Don’t Miss: Why Is Tinder So Addictive?

Why Is Tinder So Addictive?

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Even people who don’t take Tinder seriously will whip out their phone and swipe a few people while waiting in line at Starbucks. Why is Tinder even more addictive than other online dating platforms? Here are three reasons:

1) Novelty

Ever wonder why your routine becomes boring after a while, or why you get stuck in a rut even though nothing bad actually happened? The human brain is wired to crave novelty, so much that scientists even use this trait to measure personality. Seeing faces of people we’ve never met triggers and amplifies our brain’s need for newness, and especially excites us if we are looking for new romantic partners. With Tinder’s simple interface, you can see hundreds of new faces in just a few minutes of swiping.

2) Unpredictability of the matches

If you matched every time you swiped someone (as is the case for many attractive girls), Tinder would become boring. If you never matched someone after using the site for a month, you would delete it. It’s the uneven nature of the fade-to-black-You’ve-Matched! reward that keeps us coming back for more. Psychologists have a term for this — “variable schedules of reward.” The reason’ we can’t stop swiping is the same reason we keep pulling the lever on slot machines—we never know when we’re getting the next payoff.

3) Instant reward

Though we try to perform future-oriented tasks like saving money, exercising, and eating right, instant gratification drives much of our behavior. Tinder’s often instant “reward” of a match tethers us much more to the swiping behavior than a delayed one. If there was a mandatory 10-minute waiting period before announcing every new match, Tinder would not be nearly as popular.

It’s clear that Tinder keeps us swiping by tapping into our hard-wired psychological preferences for novelty, unpredictability, and instant gratification. Perhaps that is part of its genius.

Read Next: Can Average-Looking Guys Match On Tinder?

When Should You Message Your Tinder Matches?

Much has been written about how to time messages to your matches on online dating services. For sites like OKCupid, Match.com, or Plenty Of Fish, there’s a whole litany of unwritten rules to follow. Don’t log in on weekends, especially weekend nights. Don’t take less than 12 hours to respond. If she’s being flaky, take twice as much time to respond as she does. Basically, make yourself appear as detached and uninterested in online dating as possible. Most men are playing a medium-to-long term war of attrition on these sites.

On Tinder, throw these rules out the window. Tinder is a hyper-realtime distillation of previous dating sites, blazing fast cable internet to OKCupid’s 28k dial-up modem. The immediacy of Tinder is changing the face of online dating, but only for people who realize they’re playing the short game.

When you match, you might think it’s best to wait to send your first message. You would be wrong. I’ve watched female friends cycle through their Tinder profiles and match literally 20 guys in a row. If they rake in matches at such high rates, how do you expect to differentiate yourself after she’s matched 20 people more recently than you?

Like any other online dating method, Tinder is at its roots a numbers game. Maybe she liked your look. Maybe she was bored. Maybe her friends were swiping for her and she’s really not interested in you. The point is, you don’t know why she swiped you right. What you do know is that you have a chance, but you must message immediately or risk being gone from her mind. 

In this stage you’re still a long way from converting the match to a successful date, but the best way you can maximize your chances of actual interaction is to message her without hesitation. If you wait around to avoid looking desperate, you’re going to get lost in the sea of matches every girl has on reserve.

Read More: Introduction

Can Average Looking Guys Match On Tinder?

Can average guys match on Tinder? The short answer is an emphatic yes.

I’ve heard many Tinder haters say something like, “Tinder doesn’t work for guys who aren’t models.” There is, of course, a grain of truth to this statement; you’re just not going to match the hottest and youngest girls if you’re average looking, since so much of Tinder’s success is based on the most fleeting initial impressions. On the contrary, complete attractiveness defeatism ruins your chances of making solid incremental improvements that can significantly increase affect your match percentage.

How to actually make yourself attractive is beyond the scope of this post, though I may touch on it in the future. This post is about how to maximize the match potential of the photos you have available.

Though I have little fashion sense and a relatively poor eye for photography, I have helped several friends who were clueless about which pictures to include in their profile. It was as simple as combing through their existing Facebook albums, choosing the best 5 photos, and ordering them properly. Without them having to lift a finger, my friends all experienced significant and immediate gains in their match percentages, even the average-looking guys and girls.

If you’re struggling with choosing pictures, this is the best thing you can do: gather 5-10 pictures, swallow your pride, and ask at least 5 male friends and 5 female friends to rank the pictures of you based solely on how they portray your physical attractiveness. If you can work in the opinion of a gay friend or two, even better. Tally up the results, take the 5 highest ranked, order them by descending rank, and there you have a Tinder profile.

This may seem basic, but it’s human nature to lie to ourselves about how we look in photographs. Take a representative sample and then order your photos based on the data, regardless of your own personal opinions. 

You can also email me at tamingtinder [at] gmail [dot] com for a free photo consultation.

Introduction

If you’re like tens of millions of others across the world, you have a Tinder account that you occasionally flip through. But if you’re serious about getting more dates online, I can almost guarantee that you’re not using it optimally.

Tinder provides a unique platform for online dating—a real-time, low-energy way to meet potential dates in your area, without the contrived process of writing a clichéd profile, begging for winks, forcing artificial humor, or copy-pasting tired messages you read on the internet. It answers the question that forms the prerequisite for any successful dating interaction: “Do I Find This Person Attractive?”

Though the question itself is simple, the structure, usage, and nuances of the app are anything but. This website will help you to unlock the extra tips and tricks that will help you get more matches, connect with more people, and go on more successful dates.

I’m a mid-20s professional living in a major North American city. I’m not a “Pickup Artist,” do not possess any modeling contracts, and lead a fairly normal life. But I get significant results from my Tinder account. This website will provide insights I’ve gleaned from swiping thousands, matching hundreds, and dating 50+ girls on Tinder across 5 countries, along with some more general tips and news about the direction of online dating.

Let’s get ready to Tame Tinder.